Self appraisal

"It's all very weird", the man behind the serving counter said, as he poured hot water on to the tea bag in my cup, " Earl Grey with milk!  Thai noodles with a fork?".  Yes, it's pretty weird being me, I thought, as I sipped the fragrant tea and reflected on things.  I was back to the basics.  I had felt to be the victim of recent events and had narrated my side of the story to a colleague, whose surprising and somewhat shocking reaction had been, "Well, it's natural for 'so and so' to have been the way they were with you."  I was hurt and infuriated that the colleague had justified the offending party's behaviour and called it natural.  After fuming over it for a day and gradually allowing myself to mull over it, the realisation came to me that I was all in all quite an intolerant and self-righteous person when it came to morals and principles.  In my world, there seemed to be no room for anyone to err or be less than perfect in their behaviour and lifestyle!  It occurred to me that I may have been leading a militantly hostile life all this while, unknown to me, yet obvious and uncomfortable for others around me, to say the least.

It then led to some self-questioning:
- Why did it matter so much to me to continue being righteous about what had happened?  Wasn't the loss and the lesson learned enough?
- What did it matter anymore as to who was right and who was wrong?  The damage had already been done.

In the end, only kindness matters.  Kindness to others and to one's self.  A fresh start is needed.

Living On The Edge

Summary
An overview of one's life pattern reveals that its nature is that of being on the edge of things. Such a lifestyle is one of constant movement which is regarded as a positive thing.

Living on the edge
It seems to me that some people including myself strive to live on the edge. It’s not that we find ourselves in edgy situations accidentally and often, but it’s as if there can be no rest until we are on the edge of anything, be it a physical location, a financial situation, a travel plan, or a mental attitude for that matter.

I find myself living at the water’s edge most of the time, whichever continent or hemisphere I find myself in.  I even find myself visiting places that are on the water’s edge.  Financially, I tend to just about make it until the next pay cheque arrives, as I’m always working on contracts in the academic world of teaching and research.  I travel a lot through my work, and through looking for work, which is how I end up being at the water's edge (mostly) in various places.  Interestingly enough, I always find myself either on the first flight or train or bus of the day or the last one on the schedule.  As for my attitude, I find myself to be a comfortably restless being, always planning my next move in life, making sure I never get too comfortable to reach a state of stagnation.

Sometimes I tend to observe myself, and I wonder if one edgy situation aids the formation of another, thus leading to a chain of such events that shape my life.  My profession is one of marine science, so living at and visiting locations by the water’s edge links up with it, although I’m not sure which happened first, the location or the profession. My financial self-sufficiency largely reliant on the academic contracts keeps me moving places. Again, budget travel routes to get to these places are usually available for trips that start at unsocial hours such as at the edge of dawn or midnight. All in all, I would say that existence on the edge is a dynamic one, where there is more action than inaction, and the movement is generally perceived as being in the forward direction.

A random conversation, or one that may have implications for the sericulture industry

He mostly spoke in Tamil with a few smattering of English, as I spoke in English with a lot of gesticulations and facial expressions to make myself understood. He said he was a silk weaver. I said I was in favour of Ahimsa Silk (=silk without violence), where the silk-worm is removed without any harm done to it, then the silk is extracted from the cocoon. He laughed and said that it made sense that I should talk so as I was from Gujarat, the land of Gandhi. He said something along the lines of ,"..it was okay for him to practice 'ahimsa' for the purpose intended back then.." I said that we should refrain from killing anything in the spirit of universal brotherhood. He finally seemed to agree, I think.

Related link on Ahimsa Silk:
http://jay-parkhe.posterous.com/ahimsa-silk-taking-the-violence-out-of-silk-i

On Exits

If you've been in a circle for a while and wanting out, the exit is in the tangent. It's okay to hop on to the next circular existence, if linearity cannot be maintained. You'll know how to get out of it from your previous tangential experience.

In A Parallel Universe

In a parallel universe, an alternative reality must exist. But does the opposite of what's going on transpire, I wonder. And do we sometimes, in moments of inspiration and courage, leap into such a parallel universe?! Is this what is called a 'life-changing moment'?

Harmony in Chennai

It seemed as if the plane was making a larger loop than necessary over the coastal waters of the Indian Ocean before coming in to land into Chennai. A few months ago, I had departed from Chennai on a ship and had sailed into the Indian Ocean. Going seawards, slowly and gently, as the ship parted from the port, seemed natural. Gradually the land dimmed away in the distance. However, seated in a plane flying high, and watching the land-sea boundary dip in and out of view seemed a bit too much to take in. Seeing things on a grand scale was not the norm in life; I was used to seeing things too up close and personally, to be able to appreciate the overview that the plane ride was offering me. The landing was smooth, as it always tends to be in the subcontinent, from my experience. My heart though heavy from the worries of recent events in life, sang out weakly, “Hello Chennai! Here I am!” Every place has an abstract personality to it, perhaps it’s the energy associated with it, which I refer to as its spirit. The spirit of Chennai seemed to me a sympathetic observer that evening. The place appeared to be unusually quiet and nonchalantly peaceful, as if letting me be, the fragile emotional state that I was in. The winter monsoon rains of December had washed off the dust and dirt. Christmas stars lit the doorways of some shops and houses in the streets, next to brightly lit temples. A thin evening mist hung in the air. A short taxi ride brought me to my destination. I thanked the Universe for its kindness, after I had questioned it in a brazen way only a few days ago concerning the events of my life. The Universe had stayed quiet then, and it listened quietly to my heart’s gratitude now.

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The sun always shines in Teignmouth

I spent 3 days in Teignmouth last week. Teignmouth, at the mouth of the River Teign, is a coastal town in South Devon (http://www.devon-online.com/towns/teignmouth/teignmouth.html). I went along with the Ocean Science students to assist with the coastal oceanography field work. The weather was gorgeous all throughout, and the distractions were plentiful -- Oyster Catcher's Cafe, Amanda's Bakery, Harbourside Fish n Chips, pubs, bookshops, u name it.

There were various activities going on through the day; my task was to get the students to assess the grain size of the beach using a technique of sediment-scanning and image analysis, somewhat different to the traditional method of sieving sediment. Of course, I had already sieved many samples of the beach sand to establish a calibration data set against which the scanned images were compared in MATLAB. Needless to say, I spent my entire time roaming the beach, getting students to sample various parts of it. The back beach is so different to the front beach, in every way! I can't decide which one I prefer. I'll probably go back and decide.